I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
