I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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