so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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