the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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