two words: eviction party
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
