You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
wow bdsm is so cute
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
