you win again, gameday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
