piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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