# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
