What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
