I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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