The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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