Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
