the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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