We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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