I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
