There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
