I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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