I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt