There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it