This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.