question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.