he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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