Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
