So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
