omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So here I am, sexting at work.
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