Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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