I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
