just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
