Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
