my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize