He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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