If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
