Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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