how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
