6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
