Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
