trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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