Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
