i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
