I'm really into asian looking animals
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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