I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
