Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
