Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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