I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
