She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
