If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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