I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
