He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize