If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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