ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
