im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just high enough for therapy.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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