My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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bring money and cleavage
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.