So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?