she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.