I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.