I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.