I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.