dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
