I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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