I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
