Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize