well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
