i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
