Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
