im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
