fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
