She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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