Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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