Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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