Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
