I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
