Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
