How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I touched a dick in church today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
