dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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