I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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